Anthro-Ponypology relationships 101
by The Cowardly Christian
Summary: What if ponies and humans lived together since the beginning of the earth? How would such cultures evolve and clash? Time for a history lesson ladies and gentlemen! From the stone age to modern times let's take a peek into this tantalizing 'what if' Grey! Flawed! Ponies. Grey! Flawed! Humans. Wendy X Tyrone, Dipper X Twilight
1. Chapter 1

**Anthro/Ponypology relationships 101**

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

...

 **ANNOUNCEMENT!**

 **I'M GETTING A BOOK PUBLISHED!**

 **SUMMARY:**  
 **On the 13th day of the 13th month of the 13th year...magic will return to the world...and the streets will run red with the blood of the (semi)innocent...unless the world is saved by the most unlikely of hero's...baking cupcakes?!**

 **The title is '13/13/13' and it'll be coming to a bookstore or E-Book site near you! Xilbris is the publisher, also available at Amazon and BarnesandNoble.**

...

The new professor walks into his classroom, he kisses the pictures of his wife and then of his parents Wendy and Mason for luck and turns to his collage class to begin his lecture...

 **It has been greatly debated from the highest of academia to the lowest of grade school playgrounds...what would've happened had not the 'harmony comet' hit earth during the Precambrian era 600 million years ago...?**

 **Would magic still have come to our world?...would pony and humans still walk the earth together? Or would humanity be forced to walk alone, relying on nothing but wits, science and the hope that without magic our good friends the dragons would've died out from the** **Chicxulub asteroid...rather then survive and make humans an easy snack without pony assistance...  
**

 **Sadly, we might never know...the closest will get I fear is through the various 'what-if' alternate history books that seem to be everywhere these days(1)...  
**

...

 **But never mind that...let's begin our story...**

 **...Chapter 1, Stone age...**

The dumb, naked neanderthal boy shrugged as he watched another of his tribe get eaten by a 'lizard-from-sky', "Ugh Oot Abba wah!"(better him then me). he went back to work banging rocks together to make a better billy club...suddenly sparks! Fly off the stone and ignite twig!

Cave boy jump back startled...but...he come back...and bang rocks again...more sparks! More burn-burn like 'Lizards-from-sky' puke! Boy get excited and bang more rocks together...now stick on fire!

 **...2001 space odyssey theme plays...**

Boy excitedly throws burning stick in air...it hit monolith who tribe place in center and worship...

 **BAM!**

 **(Music abruptly halts)**

Monolith falls over and crush half of tribe!

Cave boy then invents 'whistle and walk away, acting innocent' maneuver...While wiping off sweat from weird birthmark on head...he walks past water just as pretty, purple Unicorn girl climbs out of the sea and steps on steps foot on land for the first time...she shakes all the water out of her fur then looks up to see Cave boy...his nudity immediately filled her with revulsion... and pity **(2).**

The boy takes one look at Unicorn girl and reacts the only way he deems feasible; "WOMAN!" Shouts Cave boy as he runs after her to knock her on head and drag her back to his cave...and make her his wife-

Unicorn screams in panic, suddenly fearing for her virtue as she frantically runs away...at first she's quicker and almost gets away...then she runs into a dead end. She presses herself up against the walls fearful, Cave boy advances gleefully.

Panicked, this unicorn becomes the first to use magic in the history of the world-

 **ZAP!**

 **GAH!**

-Through exploding male genitals.

Boy wimpers and falls to the ground clutching his groin in agony, "Ugh! Wah! BAH!(Why you do that!?)"

Unicorns, shocked at what she just did...quickly gets over it to snarl at him, "Woo! HA! NAh! Bah!(You were trying to attack and rape me!)

Cave boy retorts, "Yah! Hubba! wah-wah! KAPPa! Lu-lu! pee-pee! Kaa-kaa!"(That is a very offensive stereotype! I was just going to take you back home and share my lunch with you, get to know you, and if we hit if. Suggest you marry me, since you clearly stranger in strange land! You don't know customs, how to gather food, or how to avoid giant lizards that fly in sky and breath fire! Do you even have a cave to live in and keep the rain off your head?)

Unicorn looked baffled, "Woo-woo wah-wah?" (By chasing me with club, bashing head in and dragging me back to your home against my will?")

Cave boy glares, "Woop woop! Weeb weeb, wah-wah!"(That tradition of land! my father do that to meet ma and his father before him! It how neighbors and countrymen get wives! It's how I was taught and educated!") But boy then gets thoughtful look, "Wee-wee"(but when you say it out-loud like that, i guess I can see the how a cultural misunderstanding can erupt...perhaps it wouldn't kill me to reconsider my upbringing and ponder if it's truly ethical or not.) He concedes.

Unicorn looks at boy thoughtful...before she could say anything...she saw that they weren't alone. The rest of the tribe...originally following the boy to beat him for killing half the tribe...then they followed to see the boy kill this strange yet beautiful creature...and then they saw her summon lightining to castrate the boy...so naturally they bowing and worshiping the newcomer...

The unicorn...had a thought on this, "Wug-wug! Woo-woo huba-huba!(First of all, you men cover yourselves! your genitals are freakishly small and so darn ugly!)

And thus...the 'gift' of shame was discovered by the human males...they covered their nudity embarrassed, while the newly 'enlightened' women laughed at them...only furthering their shame...

Unicorns thinks to herself, _"ru-ru-ru, ma-ma mut." (note to self: do not let power go to head)..._

...one day later...

The purple unicorn laughed as her fellow unicorns whipped the humans to force them to build statues in her honor... "Wuht, whut. Say-say."( Okay...I lied)

...

And thus, the age of pony dominance over humans began...well, mostly. For while the unicorn tribes did the stereotypical tyrannic monarchy...the pegasus and earth ponies took a slightly different path...

The Pegasus society was largely militaristic/meritocracy, so although they enslaved humans as well, they gave them every opportunity to earn their freedom...through gladiatorial combat!

...Needless to say...between their superior strength and the power of flight...it was rare for humans to win...but for those who did...they became the stuff of legend...but that's a story for another time...

And Earth pony society was more socialist, as long as you worked for the good of the community and helped bring the harvest in before winter, you were welcomed with equal rights! Be you pony or human!

...Although, there were still constant threats to castrate the human males if they didn't cover their 'shame'.

... **Footnotes**...

 **(1)Be it a 'A pony In King Arthur's court', 'Pastwatch: the Redemption of** **Chancellor Puddinghead', 'Abraham Lincoln: Pony hunter'...I'm partial to 'Stallion in the High Castle' myself...**

 **(2) Such mature topics are best covered in Madam Trotting's controversial yet intellectually stimulating thesis: 'Of Mares and Men: 'Let's be honest, us girls only sleep with HUMAN guys because we pity how tiny and ugly their genitals are'.  
**

...

TO BE CONTINUED?

 **AN: I know it says "in-progress" but really I just don't like boxing myself into a corner. For now this is more of a one-shot that I might continue one day...but probably won't.**  
 **But, hey. Feel free to use whatever elements you want from this, if you want! Or maybe give me ideas?**

 **Love me, flame me, review me**


	2. Chapter 2

**ANNOUNCEMENT!**

 **AN: I am rewriting this story and continuing it in 'Tales of the falls'(it'll be easier to keep track of)  
**

 **As for the rate of updating; that depends on real life, inspiration, will of my lord and savior Jesus Christ...and bribing me with 'Shake up the falls chapters.**

 **Yes, for every ONE chapter of my 'Tales of the Falls' challenge you make, I'll have THREE stories of YOUR choosing updated.**

 **...as long as they follow the requirement below:**

 **SHAKE UP THE FALLS: CHALLENGE!**

 **Primary Objective:**

 **Tired of fanfictions just copying cannon and not doing anything really different? Well, I am!**

 **So I say we do a 'deconstruction' of Dipper and Mabels 'sibling bond'! Through the following-**

 **(BEGIN FLASH-FORWARD)**

 ** _A forty-something year old Dipper enters his parents house and takes off his fast-food uniform with a sigh as he looks down at his meager paycheck._**

 ** _A forty-something Mabel (wearing a crazy sweater and surrounded by dozens of cats); looks up._**

 **" _Hey Dipping sauce! Guess what!? I made a 50 ft butterfly made of comics...which I then set ablaze! I'm still the goddess of destruction!...also the police are here again to fine us for burning stuff without a permit...also for unintended arson damage to the neighbors house"_**

 **" _Wait, what!?" Shouts Dipper just as a policeman steps out of the shadows and snatches up Dipper's paycheck._**

 **" _Ah, come on man! I worked overtime the whole week at the drive-through to earn that!" Shouts Dipper. But the Officer had already left._**

 ** _Dipper feels a drop of water on his head...the ceiling was leaking..._**

 **" _I also created a new water slide for Waddles!"_**

 ** _CRASH!_**

 ** _The ceiling gives way as a giant hog crashes down and breaks the floor; water soaking everything!_**

 ** _The cats scatter in panic; breaking various household objects as they do so._**

 ** _Mabel laughs at this. "Ah, they're cute when their crazy!" She shouts as she takes a picture of them._**

 ** _Dipper sighs as he goes to check the emergency fund...only to find it empty..._**

 **" _Hey Dipping sauce! Can we have Pizza tonight!? Duck-tective will be on!" Shouts the ever cheerful yet oblivious Mabel._**

 ** _Dipper just hangs his head...and cries..._**

 ** _(FLASH-FORWARD END)_**

 **What I just showed you was a peek into a future after Gravity falls, where Mabel no longer needs to fear growing up...because she doesn't have to! Why would she need to when she has a pushover brother who is willing to sacrifice everything: never getting married, never being independent, never having a life of his own to make her happy?!(in other words: An Enabler/Co-dependent relationship)  
**

 **You can give this vision to whoever you want: Dipper, Mabel, Wendy, Pacifica, Stan, Ford, Soos, etc- You can have it sent to them at any time in the series, or have them sent back in time, or do a Peggy Sue! And have them use this knowledge to shatter cannon!**

 **Also Bill Cipher's threat needs to be taken more seriously!(I'm talking actual full-on Armageddon preparation after his first appearance!) And they need to take Gideon seriously when he sends the creepy letters and hosts his TV show(You don't have to kill him, but the Pines Family have to at least Neutralize him...or make some kind preparation to fight him when he breaks out). EXAMPLE: Mable is forced to take Dipper more seriously and not mess with him to survive or The realization that she and her loved one's might die at the end of the summer make Wendy not so hung up on the whole 'age gap' with Dipper and goes out with him.  
**

 **Also, the hero's need to be proactive! When Gideon starts sending creepy letters and making television broadcasts, they need to take care of him(kill or neutralize; either works). All that matters is that they strike first at the first sign of trouble; And don't just have them wait around and do nothing!  
**

 **NO LEMONS, LIMES, YAOI, YURI OR INCEST PLEASE! I HATE THAT STUFF...  
**

 **Secondary objective: the following episodes can't end as they did in cannon!(especially if your doing a Crossover!) If you want to kill Wendy and have Pacifica be the rebound fine. Or you could have Wendy give Dipper a chance after saving him from ghosts...have them go on a couple dates(this can even happen off-screen if it's easier)...Wendy decides it's not going to work...and then land Pacifica on the rebound(that works too) Just do something different!(conversely, you could also just give Pacifica Tyrone and Dipper could have Wendy...just saying...everyone would be happy...)**

 **"The Inconveniencing".(it annoyed me that no one did anything with Wendy's 'stare at wall and rethink everything' statement, I'd appreciate some help there)  
**

 **Time Travelers Pig(call it semantics if you must, but I would never let a girl get hurt just to save a pig. Mabel's just going to have to suck it up and learn she can't have everything)(I'd recommend using Steven Universes 'The Answer' as a template(or it's Aesop at least)) The ending can't be cannon! Especially if your doing a crossover!(Endings where BOTH Waddles and Wendy are saved are also okay)  
**

 **Fight Fighters(none of this band-aid solution 'hate each other in silence' stuff! I want to see an aftermath! Have Wendy find out the truth and be mad at both of them if you have to! Just do something different!**

 **Little Dipper(I would prefer you just skip this episode entirely to be honest) (Or better yet, use Steven Universes 'Too short to Ride' episode as a template)(But if you do, do this episode...skip the 'twins idiotically Argue over the crystal instead of saving themselves and their home from Gideon' Scene. Have Dipper punch out Mabel and use the crystal. Or have Mabel punch out Dipper to use the crystal! Just do something different! Especially if it's Crossover! In that case have someone else punch them and use the crystal!)Considering what Dipper just sacrificed for Mable in Time travelers pig...I've always felt that Mable was more then a bit ungrateful and mean in this episode...  
**

 **Boyz Crazy(I actually have no problem with the ending here believe it or not, but I was annoyed that it was rendered somewhat meaningless since there was no aftermath(between Dipper and Wendy anyway). So...you know...go do your thing. I would recommend using Steven universes 'week of Sardonyx' Arc as a template)**

 **Into the Bunker((take a deep breath)look, you can handle the shipping however you want. But you have to have Mabel equally punished for the trouble(it is her fault they were locked in there in the first place after all). (Preferably where Wendy and Dipper are mad at Mabel and refuse to forgive her.)(their also needs to be an aftermath, Dipper having an honest, real conversation with Wendy about how he still has feelings for her and where they go from here. I'd recommend using Steven Universe episodes 'Mr Greg' or 'we need to talk' as templates)(also please just skip 'Roadside attraction' entirely, please)(if your doing a crossover, and bring someone else down there with them, you have to have them stop Mabel from locking Dipper up!  
**

 **Northwest mansion Noir:(Groan) so much wasted potential. Pacifica's parents just forgive her? Nothing comes from the shipping? Pacifica was nearly killed by Wendy's ancestor, and nothing comes from that?)(P.S. I'm aware that a lot of people have actually fixed that in their fics(for which I'm grateful), I just feel that it needs to be said)**

 **Mabel and Dipper v.s. the future(you do what you want with this...just don't make things so ridiculously one-sided and place all the blame on Dipper as it did in cannon(also, Dipper has to find out about Mabel's deal with Bill))**

 **Tertiary objective:**

 **Dipper V.S. Manliness: I always thought it weird that their was no girl(be it Wendy, pacifica, Tambry, or candy, etc) during his 'man trials'. Whether to beat him at being a 'man', laugh at his loincloth(or if he loses said loincloth, make him embarrassed), be inadvertently a crucial part of his 'trial', or just along for the ride...I just think it's a story possibility that should be explored is all... I also feel that Stan's hypocrisy for badmouthing ABBA while he himself watches 'The Duchess Approves' should be explored...as well as Dipper getting mad at Mable ridiculing him after everything he's done for her,  
**

 **Carpet Diem: It always bugged me that nobody cared about Dippers leg getting chewed off by a wolf, A woodpecker biting out his tongue, or his personal belongings getting vandalized...Don't just slap a band-aid solution 'Status-Quo' approved ending on it...make Dipper mad at Mabel for putting him through all that! Have it be a long messy fight! If you make them reconcile...they BOTH have to earn it!(especially Mable)  
**

 **Summerween: Why is it so horrible for Dipper to want to celebrate Halloween his own way? True, he shouldn't of lied, but slanting the episode to put him completely in the wrong for wanting to have fun his own way...was completely unnecessary! Pleas make this episode more balanced**

 **Dreamscape: For the most part I have no complaints about the episode, but it needs to be at least addressed that Stan only 'toughens' up Dipper while letting Mable do whatever she wants. Also, could someone PLEASE tackle Gideon when he's gloating about the Deed in front of the Pines?**

 **Soos and the real girl(I don't get why Melody should have to leave, I'd rather prefer she stayed and have a sub-plot going with Soos)**

 **Blendin's Game(I mostly had no problem with this...but it always bugged me that no one did anything with the 'young Wendy thinks Dipper is cute' storyline...some assistance here would be most appreciated)(I'd also like to see Wendy's reaction to that)  
**

 **Tale of two Stans:(I'm with my fellow fanficton writers. Their should have at least been a small rift popping up between Mabel and Dipper after Mabel trusted Stan over Dipper(Especially considering she prevented Ford from killing Bill!))**

 **Stanchurian Candidate: I feel it was rather selfish for Stan to put his pride over the safety of his family, when they reveal the mind-control to him and he gets mad, lay it on home how he's being selfish and seemingly uncaring about his family!**

 **The last MabelCorn:** **I feel it was rather selfish for Mable to put her needs over the safety of her family, you can keep the 'Unicorns are selfish jerks' revelation if you want, but also lay it on home how she's being selfish and seemingly uncaring about her family!**

 **Roadside Attraction:(Recommended by Emma Iveli) If you MUST do this episode, Mable has to give Dipper more advice then just 'move on'(seriously, it's a bit weird she didn't help him more with this considering how much she loves matchmaking and knows better then anyone else how socially awkward Dipper is) And she and Grunkle Stan need to get into a big argument over who's advice is more valid. (pointing out the hypocrisy of Mable badmouthing flirting with multiple people, when she dose the same would be funny)  
**

 **Weirdmagedon: (can't think of anything...save for wanting to see a fic. where Ford's Bill-Killing Gun actually works...and Maybe some more character development/bonding between Dipper Wendy...and possibly Pacifica)(Oh, having Wendy comfort Dipper over his 'You can't make someone fall in love, you can only be worthy of love' speech would be nice too)  
**

 **Escape from Reality: JUST BURST THE BUBBLE! Especially if it's a crossover! A 22 minute story wrapped up in 5 minutes! Mabel can just deal with it!(it would also be nice if Wendy, Pacifica, or SOMEONE comforted Dipper about not getting any Valentines, also it be nice if someone reminded Wendy and Soos that their friends and family are suffering and they need to rescue them before they go gallivanting in the bubble).  
**

 **Take Back the Falls: If your doing a crossover, you HAVE to have someone from the Crossover-verse SUCCESSFULLY stop Stan from breaking the circle. By threatening him with death or dismemberment if necessary!**

 **EX: Ford: "Him and I...Grammar Stanley"**

 **Stan is about to beat him...when he feels cold steel pressed against his back**

 **Undyne: "YOU %$ #% one foot from where you are, I'll #% &$%$ kill you!"**

 **Stan gulps nervously...but stays in his place...and the cipher is complete...**

 **NOTE: to all Wendip and Dipifica fans alike...have you considered just making a water proof Tyrone and giving him to Pacifica while Dipper has Wendy? You could literally have your cake and eat it too!**

 **ANOTHER note: crossovers with gravity Falls in this challenge are accepted and encouraged! Let your imagination run wild!(But ONLY as long as you don't have the people from said crossover-verse sitting around useless and not letting them change the plot(let the above 'stop Stan from ruining the circle' be your template for ANY other moments in Gravity falls Cannon)**

 **And one more thing...I'm well aware that this might not be some people's cup of tea...so if you want to adopt ANY of my stories...or give them to a friend/acquaintance. That's fine.**

 **This dose NOT mean I'm discontinuing my stories, I'm just trying to give you more options. I will also allow multiple adoptions, so more then one person can enjoy this!**

 **Well, that's more or less it, good hunting YAH'll!**

 **...**

 **ANOTHER ANNOUNCEMENT!**

 **I'M GETTING A BOOK PUBLISHED!**

 **SUMMARY:**  
 **On the 13th day of the 13th month of the 13th year...magic will return to the world...and the streets will run red with the blood of the (semi)innocent...unless the world is saved by the most unlikely of hero's...baking cupcakes?!**

 **The title is '13/13/13' and it'll be coming to a bookstore or E-Book site near you! the publisher is Xlibris** ** **, also available at Inkitt, Amazon and BarnesandNoble.****


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